How I wish I could just write and write. Stories,
essays, poems … fiction, non-fiction … words on a page. My mind is so full but
without words to put on paper. My story has no language as of yet. To unlock
the mysteries of my memory, there needs to be a special key. I cannot find it,
although at times an idea will slip through the cracks or the key hole. Once on
paper, the feverish state of a silent but desperate mind is again at war with
itself.
Find the key!
Memories
that go with each name. Of these I have many. This key turns loose the contents
of another box of memories, but they are still locked in my mind. Each person
has a story. Each name a chapter. I could write about high
school choirs, Jason Mraz music, forgotten picnics, Russian history class, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, the night we
borrowed a generator, and a million sleepovers. I could invest time in chapters
about arguments with siblings, marketing projects, marriage, and a retreat.
But I can’t!
A
moment of silence before the clamour begins. If my mind was like a deck of
cards, I could pick one memory from the top, while the rest wait their turn in
the pile. In this way, my life would unravel.
The
ace of hearts would be the story of my birth; the king of hearts would continue
the tale of my childhood.
The
ace of diamonds would recall my teenage years, with the king sharing my
soul-searching moments. Perhaps the queen would recount the adventures of my
sweet sixteenth birthday party and the following year.
I’m
in the ace of spade tales right now. I know the direction my life is heading in
and have set my feet firmly on the path. I believe the king and queen will tell
of my professional career, while the jack of spades will tell of the places I
will see and perhaps live.
The
ace of clubs will recount my retired life, if retirement is possible and within
reach. Or perhaps it will begin a narrative of a life cut short. A short life
means as much eternity as a long life. What matters is how the life is lived.
Ten
to two in all the suits hold the memories of people. Faces, names, events,
lives changed for better or worse. Some of these cards are already full. Each
card has its own deck. For the moment, the pile in the middle of my mind looks
so perfect and neat…and silent!
Suddenly,
a fan is turned on and the cards of life begin their chaotic spinning in my
mind. Never stopping, they careen and bounce wildly off the walls that bind
them in.
I loved this: " Suddenly, a fan is turned on and the cards of life begin their chaotic spinning in my mind. Never stopping, they careen and bounce wildly off the walls that bind them in.
ReplyDeleteI must be daring and reach in…"